Introduction: Survive and Thrive

On these days, when you (again?!!) have to pry a raisin from a nostril, it seems like the most you can hope for is to survive.
But whether you’re a parent or other committed caregiver in a child’s life, your ultimate goal is to raise kids in a way that lets them thrive.
You can use all of the interactions you share—the stressful, angry ones as well as the miraculous, adorable ones—as opportunities to help them become the responsible, caring, capable people you want them to be.
Our goal is to teach you how to use your everyday interactions as opportunities to help you and the children you care for both survive and thrive.
Rather than trying to shelter our children from life’s inevitable difficulties, we can help them integrate those experiences into their understanding of the world and learn from them.
In other words, the parent’s own growth and development, or lack of those, impact the child’s brain.
That means that integrating and cultivating your own brain is one of the most loving and generous gifts you can give your children.
With an understanding of the brain, you can be more intentional about what you teach your kids, how you respond to them, and why.
But more than that, understanding integration will let you know your child more deeply, respond more effectively to difficult situations, and intentionally build a foundation for a lifetime of love and happiness.

Chapter 1: Parenting with the Brain in Mind

A clear understanding of integration will give you the power to completely transform the way you think about parenting your kids.
Integration takes the distinct parts of your brain and helps them work together as a whole.
We want to help our children become better integrated so they can use their whole brain in a coordinated way.
Even into old age, our experiences actually change the physical structure of the brain.
Parents who speak with their children about their feelings have children who develop emotional intelligence and can understand their own and other people’s feelings more fully.
That’s what we want to do for each of our kids: help their brain become more integrated so they can use their mental resources to full capacity.